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February 22, 2011

Comments

Diane

I'm so sorry for your loss and your pain. I will continue to hold you in my prayers. I think people are afraid of saying the something wrong or that will be hurtful so they stay away. They just don't know how to just 'be there' for a friend.
Take care
Diane
in Oregon

Nancy LeB

I am sorry for your pain and loss. Remember that it is not only ok but necessary to feel your feelings - all of them - hurt, anger, disappointment, love, joy - all of which makes us human. You are in my prayers.

Dannie Graves

My heart aches for you because I know what you're going through. I didn't lose my husband to death, I lost him to divorce. About 95% of my friends completely disappeared. They don't talk to me anymore and don't ask how I'm doing. I often feel like I have the plague and they're avoiding me. It's very lonely and very painful. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Beverly A

Thanks for this post and your tip on what to do and say to someone after their loved one has died. I have admired your courage and strength these past several months. {{{{{Hugs}}}}} to you and your family.

Lori B

Thank you for this post! I love your honesty and the way you are able to put into words what you are feeling. I have a very dear friend whose husband died suddenly of a brain aneurysm two weeks ago. I am continually at a loss for words, so I just don't speak...I just stop by and hug her. I just don't know what else to do, so she talks and I listen. I nod, and cry or smile or laugh, whatever is appropriate to what she is saying. I was concerned I was not "helping" my friend because I don't have any comforting words. After reading your post, I finally feel I am helping my friend by just being there. Thank you for helping a "well meaning" friend.

I send prayers for you and the boys to our Lord! Hold them Lord! Hold them! Amen!

Sara Holley

Hi Julie - I am also a follower of your blog but a very infrequent poster. I think of you and your boys so often and say a prayer you will have more good days than bad. Eight years ago I lost my parents to cancer within a few months of each other. In between their deaths, 8 years ago today, my son was born. I had so much to be happy about but I couldn't feel it. I lost a lot of my friends because I just couldn't relate to petty problems. I changed. Although I am a very happy person now, I am still a changed person. The grief club is not one that I want anyone to belong to, but once you have been there, you can understand a fellow member's heartache. As time passes, I have found that it is not the final dates that make me sad, it is the happy days -like birthdays - that affect me the most. I do hope you are finding comfort in the people reaching out to you on this post.
Sending a hug and prayer from London

Grace Baxter

Julie, I am so sorry you are having these days of grief. I know the kind wishes and prayers of others, though well-meaning, may seem distant to you. Just keep holding on to the promises of God. "He heals the broken hearted and binds up all their wounds." (Psalm 147:3). And remember, you and Russ will see each other again and what a reunion that will be!

Becky Thomas

Be mad and really scream and yell. It helped me when I was at your point two years ago (recently widowed at age 42 with two broken hearted kids). People just have no idea of the pain and adjustments. Nothing is the same and for me the six month mark seemed to start the hardest point for me. At 2.5 years, we are getting along better. New routine, adjusted, more laughs then tears, more able to focus and trying to live life. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

JodyM

Julie, More prayers being sent your way! May you have continued strength and guidance through our Savior. Tons of Hugs!!!

Spender60

((( :) )))Hugs Julie, you are loved

Monica

My heart still goes out to you Julie. When I lost my sister it was difficult processing all of the "well-meaning" comments people said to me. It's so sad to hear that so many of your friends have drifted away from you during what is still your time of need. You are still an inspiration to me and so many others, and we will always be here for you though we may never see you. I truly admire your courage. Love and hugs to you and the boys!

Renee Ondrajka

That's one thing I try not to say to someone who has lost a loved one. Oh they are home and in a better place. Yes, they are in a better place although our earthly minds cannot wrap around that fully, but loosing them just plain sucks and I think it's ok to say that. God knows our hearts and He knows how we are going to feel here on earth and how we will feel someday in heaven. He loves us inspite of it all. I've learned through doing some Beth Moore Bible studies that it's ok to tell God how we really feel (not like he doesn't already know) but it's ok to speak it and lay our hurting hearts before Him. He's our friend after all. You truly are an amazing woman. May the Lord bless you richly.

Conniecrafter

I had not heard that statistic that you lose friends after a death, that is so sad, I hope when and if this happens to a friend of mine that I can be there for them, and thanks for sharing the comments you don't need to hear, I think that is the hardest thing just knowing what to say.

Jean

Julie, I am sitting here at my computer reading all the posts, with tears streaming down my face and onto my keyboard. You have touched so many of us by your sharing your life and innermost feelings. I just had to add that I too think you are an amazing woman. I have been following your blog for a long time and I think you are so very talented. The day that you shared your husbands diagnosis, my heart dropped and I cried the day that Russ left this earth. You amazed me with your comments that day...I was in awe at your faith and your strength. I have some challenges in my life right now that I am trying to deal with and although I am active in my religion, earlier today I felt the needed to make some changes in my life and more fully turn my life over to God. I know that God never meant for us to go through life's challenges alone and though we may feel very alone at times, he is always there for us. We just need to let him in. Thank you Julie, for the example you are to me. I too am praying for you. May God bless you and ease your sorrow.

Bren

Baby girl, we ARE praying for you, every single day! And consider yourself hugged big time. And know that for every person who TELLS you they are praying for you there are likely a dozen more you don't even know about.

Here is the primary definition of the word "friend": a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. That being the case, we are ALL your friends. I know it's not the same but we are all banded together in a big, strong, protective circle of love around you and I only hope that you can feel it. Here's my prayer for you tonight......

You are our shepherd Lord.. you meet all of our needs.. we lift those grieving to you today.

We thank you for meeting all of their needs.. we pray that you would comfort them and hold them close to your heart.

We praise you that their need for rest is met in you Lord.. we pray that you would lead those in pain in ways that would restore their soul and help them grieve.

We are confident of your presence Lord.. we ask that your love would be felt by our friends as they travel through this dark valley of sorrow.

And this we ask for our friends - that goodness and mercy will follow them all the days of their lives and that they will live in your house forever.

Amen

Cindy

Julie, I have only just met you on Facebook. I have not lost a spouse or a child, but I did lose my wonderful dad 2.5 years ago. He went suddenly & unexpectedly after a successful heart surgery. There is just no words to describe how you feel after a loss like that. Somedays it feels like only a few days and others it feels like a lifetime. A couple of people who I thought were my "friends" haven't even acknowledged my Dad's death. My true friends were there for me and my family. I'm sending a big hug to you and your boys. Talk to your husband!! I talk to my Dad everyday, and he has visited us!! Seems like at a time when we needed him too!! Your days never get better, they are just different. Time heals the hurt a little bit. That was wonderful of your MIL!!
Take care girl!!!

Nadia

Just wanting to send you more {hugs} and to let you know that we are still keeping your family in our prayers!

Mary Cardini- Anderson

Sending you prayers and consider yourself hugged. :)

Mary

GunnysCathy

Julie,
I totally understand your thoughts and emotions. My mother passed away 7 years ago after a painful 2 year battle with ovarian cancer. Even though I know she is in heaven....I am left behind...without her. And words and time doesn't heal the loss. You still feel it...and wish they could be here...to share life with you...

Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. May God wrap His arms around you and hold you close. Share your innermost thoughts with Him - the good, the bad, the loss...He knows...

Rosemarie Menassas

What a lovely MIL you have to be thinking of your loneliness on ST. Valentine's Day. My MIL was the dearest treasure in my life. She treated me as one of her own daughters, maybe even better sometimes. I always thanked her for giving birth to the man I loved and the first time I met her, I asked her permission to call her Mom, for I wanted her to know I would always Honour her as a mother. I think she appreciated that, for we never had a tiff or hard feelings throughout our marriage. So hug your MIL, for she too sounds like a beautiful woman. Hugs to yourself too.

Lori Burkitt

Oh, Julie, I remember people telling me those exact things when my very young son died. (And I remember feeling and thinking the same things as you.) I think the worst thing said to me was, "You can always have another child." I also remember going out in public and being treated like I had a contagious disease. People actually turned the other way when they saw me. Sometimes I think those closest to us also hurt for us. They either say the wrong things because they feel the need to just say "something" or they avoid us because they just truly do not know what to say. The best thing told to me after the loss of my son was, "Just take one day at a time. Don't think too far ahead - not yet any way. Rejoice in the victory that you made it through another day." I pray for the Lord to comfort your grieving heart during your sadness. God be with you.

Wanda Newman

Julie,
Thank you for sharing your intermost and honest thoughts today. Your honesty in telling things "not" to say - will help me and many others. I usually just say "I care about you" - but what you have shared will certainly make me more aware of what "not" to say. In those times, I am sure poeple don't mean to hurt you as you have already said - in their nervousness of what to say, they just blurt out some really good sounding, but kind of dumb stuff. I will think of you the next time I am put in that situation with someone that has lost a loved one. Thank you again for sharing today and I have just prayed for and your boys!
Wanda Newman

Lena

I think losing a spouse would be the hardest thing in the world ( that and a child) so I wont say I know what your going through , but my grandma just passed away and Im so sick of people saying I should just be happy shes in heaven. Im not . Maybe im selfish that way. Id rather her be here with me so I know how that goes. Hopefully things get better for you soon . You seem to be doing a wonderful job :)

Holley

Julie, it seems so unfair for parents of young children to die. Part of me thinks, why can't this happen to the parents who abandon their children? We don't know why God does things until we die.

I'm a social worker by education. I've gone through one thing after the other in the last 4 years. I know what it's like to feel like "odd wheel" out because I am not a couple. When I was first divorced way back in 1977 I remember husbands of neighbors coming on to me. I know what you mean by the changed reality. Myself, as a married woman did include my single girlfriends!

People so often take the easy path in life rather than the right path. They avoid what they are uncomfortable with. What a shame that friends avoid you! A person needs to be able to talk about the negative feelings!

Julie, you are coping wonderfully. You get out of bed each day, and do what you have to do. You're grieving. You aren't avoiding the grief and difficult emotions. You'll miss Russ until the time you join him! God does comfort you in many little ways, as you know. You post about these comforts!

God Bless you and your boys Julie! What a wonderful thing Russ's parents did!
Holley

Germana

Hi Julie, I discovered your blog few months ago and fall in love with your creations and with the way you share with us your sentiments. I write you this comment just to send you big big hugs and a prayer for you to be stronger and stronger. Hugs and smiles from Italy. Germana

Sylvia/Georgia

Thank you for sharing your heart and soul with us. Your example continues to be an inspiration. No doubt you are helping countless others by helping us to understand better what would be more helpful for us to say and do for a friend whose husband has died. May God continue to bless you and your family.

Joanne

This is Joanne again. Just have to add to my previous long message.
If it were possible it would be so nice if some of us blog followers that live close enough to travel, could set a date and have a fun day gathering together to be with you and 'share' our love with you.
A lot of us would sure like to meet you, Dylan and Jayden. It would be a 'JUST FOR YOU' - JULIE DAY. I know, I sure would come....

Joanne

Julie, I am so glad after reading all these comments on this post, to know that your blog followers are caring and praying for you. With Russ gone now for just four months, I am sure it feels like just four days. The hurt remains strong for a very long time, it never goes away, but lessens in time. If I were residing close to you I would be certain to give you my ears and shoulders to cry on. I always say that those that loose their loved ones
are the ones that are left to suffer. But God is here to carry us through. The 'bonus' for Russ now in Heaven, is that he is no longer suffering in pain. When I lost my twin sister at the age of 47, I considered that God needed her and took her to be one of his disciples. Perhaps he chooses the 'best' to work for him. My heart and prayers are with you always.
Perhaps some of your previous friends may read this and come to realize that you still need them. I too, have experienced the same kind of loss of friends.
HUGS are the best - HERE's one HUGGGGGGGGGGGG !! For the boys also - they are so cute and growing up so fast.

Janet

Julie - I have been following your blog since I started with Stampin UP! My sister, and upline, suggested it and I have been SO glad that she did. You are an absolute inspiration - in life (and unfortunately, death), and in stamping. I look forward to seeing what you have to say each day. I cannot imagine the grief that you have had to endure - but I would probably be one of the ones who, if I knew you personally, wouldn't know what to say and/or when to say it. It wouldn't be because I didn't care, but would be my own inadequacy. I think of your little boys, wish their daddy could have been able to see them grow up and it breaks my heart. It is sad that we can't all know the right things to say at the right time... I'll continue to keep you all in my thoughts and prayers and especially in my heart. You are AWESOME!

NancyS

I know you already know this, but people just don't know what to say to you and are afraid of saying the wrong thing and hurting you. So they say nothing. They still love you and undoubtedly are still praying for you and thinking about you and the boys!

After I lost my husband, almost everyone (including some of my family) stopped calling and I even saw one woman turn her cart around in the market to avoid me. I finally called a meeting of my family and best friends to let them know that I needed them more than ever, that they were my support network, and that anything they said would be taken in the spirit of love and caring they intended. That completely fixed the problem, and I was surrounded by a circle of warmth and caring. The rest of the people who dropped out of my life didn't matter.

When my son died suddenly last June, there was no awkwardness because my family and friends knew what was needed. I hope you will find comfort from your "inner circle" as I have. You and your sons continue to be in my prayers...wish I was close enough to give you a BIG hug. I guess God will just have to keep doing it...every minute of every day.

Judi_Stamparooni

I continue to pray for you and the boys. And I will pray for your 'missing' friends also. Perhaps they are feeling that they have to give you space to adjust to your new life? We'd like to think that anyway. I also had a huge event in my life that made people I thought were friends disconnect from me. I guess it's just too painful for some people to consider that such things could happen to anyone, including themselves. God bless you.

Jocelan Perry

Julie I too have you and the boys in my prayers. i have a hard time thinking that friends seem to drop you after you loose a loved on. To me that is when we need more support.Iam sure God has some new friends waiting in the wings to help you with this journey.
Love and Hugs
Jocelan

Deb

Here's a hug!

Barbara V

I read your blog daily, but my comments are few. However, you remain in my prayers. I am in awe of your strength and caring. You have lots of friends out here in cyberspace that you will probably never meet and cannot feel the warmth of our hugs, but we are here for you.

Mo Moss

Julie, I do write often. I have become a stronger person from learning all about you. I think it started with the six new kittens. LOL. I do so admire you and can only hope that one day, if I have to, I will be stronger from watching you deal with Russ's sickness and his final day. Home is where you and the boys are, and without him, there are days that it does not seem like home to you and the boys, I am sure. You and I know that there is Eternal Life and we are blessed with knowing it. I have prayed for you and most especially the weekend you were alone. You have not mentioned how you did. You are an awesome woman and we all love you. Hugs, prayers and tears for you.

Susan

Prayers continue for you and your boys. I am sending you tons of hugs too. You are a very fantastic lady! I pray that you will find friends that just engulf you with love. I too do not comment often but you are in my thoughts often.

Liz

AMEN!

Denise

Julie,
You are in my prayers.....often many times throughout the day I pray for you. When I am driving I think about you and the boys. I don't know you, I just know that you are a special woman and I know you are missing someone very dear. I am sure there are many others praying for you daily and even though we are cyber "friends", we are here and we are praying. I hope you will never stop blogging. You are a blessing.

Patti J.

Ironically, I had a conversation with my BFF last week that said a lot of what you just said. One of her grown twin boys committed suicide in a very awful way 10 years ago, and she has had to live with many feeling, grief, anger, questions, etc. She said exactly what you said, that her friends all put initial distance and then stopped visiting all together. I don't know why that is, unless it's just an awkward feeling of not knowing what to say. Like one of your readers above, you don't know it, but girl, you are in my heart, head, and prayers all day. My DH is also the love of my life, and I can't imagine one day without him. I will continue to think of you, pray for you, and send you cyber-blessings for as long as you want or need them. You are amazing to me. I love and respect that you are sharing your feelings with us. I love you, dear friend!

Cindy Otto

I read all your blog entries and find you an amazingly, strong mother of two little boys. I'm praying for you and your family.

Southern Stamper

Julie, I can relate to what you say about relationships changing - happened in my life when my husband died over a year ago. But God continues to bring new people into my life to minister to my emotional needs. I decided to read the New Testament all the way through and have a devotional with my granddaughters every night. My prayer is that God fills your life as he has done mine. Sending you hugs, girlfriend.
Bonnie
Woodstock, Ga.

Catherine

Julie, Thank you so much for writing this post. I totally agree with you that it's important to talk about grief. I truly appreciate your openness. A friend of mine just lost her husband and now I know more of what things will be like for her moving forward thanks to you. I love reading your FB posts and seeing what you are up to. You are so strong and so positive about life. I love it! I learn from it! You go girl! And, for what it's worth, here is a cyber hug from afar (((HUGS))). If I ever meet you in person, I will definitely reach out and give you a real big fat tight squeeze. :D Catherine

Krista

Praying for you and your boys for strength and peace. The flowers are beautiful, and so is your spirit!
Krista

Irene

Julie I send a little prayer for you and your boys every day. Your in-laws must be wonderful people to send such a thoughtful gift on Valentines. I'll send a hug with that prayer from now on. lol. And last but not least love, love, love, your blog!!!

Jodi Hallas

I rarely comment on any of the blogs I read. However, your blog touches my heart. I am a teacher, and I teach a course for high school seniors called Death in Literature. We talk a lot about the grieving process and how it different for every person. We also talk about what we can do for those who are grieving. With your permission, I would love to share some of your frustrations. Thanks in advance and know that people all over the world are thinking of you and sending you positive, hopeful thoughts!

Rosella

Julie, I am very grateful that you are so honest and open. I enjoy reading your daily updates and it makes me glad that you have not died even though might feel like it! I can see that you are holding on to God with your whole heart and he is guiding you. I see God is working through you and you are letting him. That is fantastic!
You are definitely in my prayers!

Lynne Hurlburt

Sending you a HUGE HUG {{{{{{HUG}}}}} I am keeping you in my prayers. Hugs n' Stuff, Lynne

Becky Jo

Julie, I don't post much, but always have you and your boys on my mind and in my prayers. I'm a faithful reader of your blog. Sending you Big Hugs!!

Evette K. Ciampo

Heres to the strongest woman I have ever known. Your boys will one day be so proud of their mom and all you went through to keep them knowing all about their dad. I hope you keep these posts as they would bring me comfort for a long time as I read and reread them. I am proud to call you my friend even though we have never met and you most likely can not possibly remember each and everyone of us! U won't lose us. I pray for you and your family daily as well as for Russ' soul. That is my catholic faith. Hope to talk/meet you some day as I am so in awe of your strength and beauty of heart. Talk all you want about anything you want to...we all listen. Hugs and more hugs plus tons of love always. Your friend in New York State, USA.

Nancy

Nothing like losing a loved one to find out what NOT to say at someone else's loss, right? I understand that part of it. Good intentions sometimes get lost in the translation! I'm sorry that you're feeling that you've lost some friends. Maybe they just need some time or maybe you just need some new friends. I'll be your friend! :o) My prayers will continue and I'm sending a hug this time too! Thanks so much for sharing the picture of your gorgeous flowers!

chrisd

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. I agree that people simply don't know what to say when a loved one dies. Sometimes it seems as if people are afraid to mention your loved one, it might make it more painful for you. For many people I have spoken with about dealing with grief, that is the last thing they worry about. Hugs from Michigan.

Georgie in Somerset

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Having just recently found your blog I had no idea about your husband, I am sorry for your loss.
I encourage you to keep your heart open to new friends and find forgiveness for your old ones. From experience I know that most people are afraid of illness, death and disability, they(and society in general)just don't know how to handle it.
Take care x

Lorraine Castellon-Rowe

Hi Julie...I am a daily reader of your blog although I rarely comment and I am sorry for that. There are so many things I have wanted to tell you during Russ' illness. Things I just don't feel right saying on a blog comment but I pray for you often as I pray for all my loved ones. I am not a daily prayer, I know I should be, but I always thank the Lord for what he does for us and always ask Him to keep my loved ones here on Earth with me. I know exactly what you mean when you say Russ' isn't home. Home is where you and the kids are. I love that you speak your mind here and that I learn something from every post you make. You truly are strong even though you may not think so sometimes. I see a strong woman, taking care of her family in the best way she knows how. I admire your strength and your weaknesses. You are also human and you need to give yourself a break to let go. Let it all out, the crying, the anger, the pain, all of it. I think telling us about your life right now is a good way of doing that. Please don't ever edit how you feel. I, for one, consider you a friend and will do so no matter what you say or how you feel. I know you don't even know who I am but I feel I know you enough to call you friend and I appreciate that you have this blog and that I found you. Please know that I am here, praying, thinking of, and hoping for you. Who knows, one day you may pick up your phone and it might be me! God bless you and the boys and may He keep you together for as long as you all shall live. And, here's a GREAT BIG HUG for you!! If I was there I would wrap my arms around you and squeeze you as tight as I could.
Your Friend,
Lorraine Castellon-Rowe

Diane L

Dear Julie,I like others above don't always comment,but you truly are in my thoughts and prayers. As a matter of fact,yesterday,I
was checking my emails and my Husband popped in my craftroom and I was reading your post. He says that's the lady that lost her husband isn't she,when he saw your picture,I said yes,he says,please tell her that we pray for her. He was so touched by your story when I told him 4 months ago.
Sending you prayers everday Julie!!!!
Love your flowers btw,it was so thoughtful of them!

Joan

Hi Julie, I usually don't write although I always read you and pray for you. I have been side by side with a dear friend who lost her daughter a while ago and know that people can say the wrong things with good intentions. I want you to know that you are in my prayers. I believe in a God that respect our grief and who doesn't take it wrong when we even question him for the things that happens to us. I don't believe that God "wanted" Russ in heaven, I believe that we live in an imperfect world where bad things happens to good people. But I also believe in a God that provides peace and strength to all who ask him and believe in his power. You are an amazing woman, I really admire your courage to write about your grieve. God will bring you new and stronger friends, angels who will help you in ways you cannot imagine and that will bring you comfort.

hugs,
Joan

Mary R.

Julie, you don't know me from Adam since I live in the US and in Alabama, often referred to as the Deep South. We could not be farther apart geographically. However, you stay in my thought almost daily. I've sent your blog link to my friends and asked them to pray for you as am I. You can't know all the people praying for you whom you will NEVER MEET! However, I hope knowing this will encourage you to continue to share your deepest thoughts. Use your readers as a sounding board and VENT to US! Much love and prayers are sent your way today and always!

Debbie

Just wanted to let you know I am holding you and the boys before the throne of grace today.
Hugs
Debbie (UK)

Vicki

Julie. I can't even begin to imagine or understand all the emotions you have gone and are going through! I do, however, understand how the phrasing from some people's sentiments can give you food for thought. I remember just wanting to hear people say my Dad DIED. Yes, he passed away, he was in a better place, and he was no longer suffering from the cancer...But he also died!I, myself, have a hard time phrasing that for others. It sounds so final, whereas, all the other phrasing sounds "transitional". You and your family continue to be in my prayers. God is so good to bring us new friends after the death of a dear one! You help me to see the blessings of each day, and for that I thank you! Love, hugs and blessings to you!

Kerry

Well Julie I will never give up on you as a Friend :) ((((HUGS and Prayers)))) Always to you and your family.

Cindy Biermann

My heart goes out to you Julie. People mean well, but often say the wrong things. I lost 100% of my friends when my husband died. I had to reply 100% on God. And then He sent me new friends that helped me endure the grief. It's a new beginning in so many ways. As difficult as this time is...you are handling it with grace. You're a strong woman to be admired! Praying for you alway! Hugs!

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