Yesterday was 4 months since Russ has gone "home" as people tell me.
You know, as a person missing the love of my life, he is not home. If he was home, he would be here. Do not take this as me being upset, I am hoestly not. I just want to share with you things that people just don't talk about, which is kinda sad. I think grief should be talked about more, and then people wouldn't feel so awkward.
Another thing they say, is that it is so much better that he is in heaven. In my "HEAD" I know this, but in my heart, I want him here on earth. If I had a choice (if anyone did), they would not CHOOSE for their loved one to be in heaven. I would rather he be WELL on earth.
Not that I don't understand that they are TRULY CARING for me in their statements, and REALLY ARE trying to comfort me. I also do appreciate their efforts, trust me, and this is not to get people to quit talking to me - FAR FROM IT !! I already have enough of that.
I read a statistic that a widow or widower loses 75-80% of their friends after a spouse dies. I didn't think that that would be me, since so many people were around when he was sick. But, sadly I have found this to be very true. Even those who used to be my closest friends, whom I talked to every couple of days when Russ was alive, can go several weeks now without talking to me. I don't blame them though, since the dynamic of our relationaship has now changed drastically.
He is gone, and I am slowly, but surely coming to terms with my "new normal". I actually had a not bad day yesterday, considering the day I had before it! If you are my friend on Facebook, you already know what happened, and it was kinda intense. But I dealt with it and am no worse for wear *smiles*. On to more wonderful things.
This is the lovely Valentine's bouquet I received from Russ' side of the family. How wonderful that they thought of me in this way. My MIL also invited me for supper, but I already had supper plans. My worship team all got together to have a Valentine's meal before practice.
The one thing that I appreciate more than anything, is a hug and just an "I'm praying for you". That is the best thing anyone can do for me, and I have no problem when someone brings me before the Lord! So thank you for all the prayers that you have said on my and my family's behalf in the last 7 months. I have really felt God's comforting and all-sustaining hand on us!
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