Yesterday was 5 months since Russ went to his heavenly home, and I still miss him.
People ask me if these "anniversary" days are harder. To be honest, if my niece had not posted on facebook yesterday, I would not have thought of the "date". Let me tell you why. This is not a slight to others, BUT I can state with some certainty that even the family does not think of Russ everyday. They have reached the time where it is not an everyday thought, so the "anniversary" dates bring back these feelings.
But for Dylan, Jayden and I, this is a daily reality. We wake up without Russ here, we do everything in a home that Russ and I designed and built together - our dream home. I see an empty side of the bed everyday (except for my lovely pillow!!), and sit in his desk to pay the bills.
The dates that are hard for me are wedding anniversay, birthdays, etc. The date of his death is just another day in the reality that has become my new normal. But, I am grateful!!
- That I have 2 little boys to always cherish as a part of Russ.
- I had a husband who was smart financially that I have little debt to deal with.
- I have a roof over my head.
- I have food on the table.
- The heat is working (most of the time ... lol)
- I have family and friends that are so willing to help me out.
- I am healthy.
- I am happy - Yes, you CAN have joy in all circumstances.
- I have a BOAT LOAD of memories that I can look back on.
- Most importantly, I have a God who has NEVER left me to do this on my own.
Just beautiful, I love following your blog, thank you for sharing not only your craft but your life.
Thinking of you,
Cath
Posted by: Cath Dean | April 18, 2011 at 05:18 PM
such beautiful cards! I love your site.
Posted by: Sandy Desaulniers | April 16, 2011 at 01:45 PM
Hope you don't mind... I'm commenting on 2 posts in one day. I just want to say I understand what you are saying. I lost my Mom 7-1/2 months ago. I miss her terribly but I don't believe it is as hard for me as it is for my Dad. I have my daily life which she was not a part of (although I called her nearly every day.) My Dad is suffering as you are - every moment for him is altered.
Posted by: Laura | April 14, 2011 at 08:23 PM
Amen and God Bless ...continue to lift you and your boys up in prayer...
Posted by: LATRICIA | March 30, 2011 at 02:02 PM
You are truly an inspiration Julie. May God continue to Bless you. You will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
Posted by: Kim Kowal | March 30, 2011 at 06:53 AM
Bless you x
Posted by: Georgie in Somerset | March 28, 2011 at 04:15 AM
Beautiful post--and yes...GOD IS GOOD! Thank GOD we go through trials with Him by our sides!! You are truly blessed--great is His faithfulness!
Posted by: Sav O'G | March 26, 2011 at 10:03 PM
I do feel so sorry for those people that don't have God in their lives to lean on at times like this, so glad to hear your faith has kept strong thoughout all of this!
Posted by: Conniecrafter | March 25, 2011 at 02:55 PM
Julie...God bless u today and always. Your faith inspires others and makes my day so much brighter reading your blogs and listening to the music you put on here. You have helped me to be much more grateful for what I have each and everyday thanks to our Dear Lord. Thank you. Hugs forever. Russ was blessed to have had you in his life and you to have him. Now you do have part of him with your sons. How blessed is that? Life is indeed beautiful with faith.
Posted by: Evette K. Ciampo | March 25, 2011 at 07:55 AM
You are amazing!!!
May GOD bless you and your boys.
Posted by: Elsa L | March 24, 2011 at 11:41 PM
WooT! Julie you are such an inspirations! Thanks for sharing your strength with us! Vickie
Posted by: Okienurse | March 24, 2011 at 11:25 PM
Dear Julie
I just recently found your blog. I was taken back to learn about your husband. Please except my sincere condolences.
I love your testamony. Writing down all to be thankful for during your loss is most exceptional of you. Continue to hold on to your beautiful memories they will last a lifetime. May Gods love continue to surround you and embrace you and your children. Blessings...
Posted by: Leanne | March 24, 2011 at 07:39 PM
Julie you are still in my thoughts and prayers and I too appreciate knowing your inner most thoughts Your strength and struggles truely keeps me humble and on track spirtually. Thank you
Posted by: Kerry | March 24, 2011 at 12:32 PM
Julie, five months is still such a short time and of course Russ is in your thoughts and feelings constantly. I have been left without my best friend and spouse now for five years and the hurt is still within me. I admire you for being so positive and remembering all the good things that you have and listed. More of us should appreciate what we have - even just the little things in life that God has provided for us. I think of you often. Your friends in blogland are here for you too. We like the person you are. Love to you and your boys. So cute they are.
Posted by: Joanne | March 24, 2011 at 02:03 AM
God Bless you...hugs
Posted by: Jane | March 23, 2011 at 11:13 PM
What an inspiration you are! We have a GREAT GOD and he truly is carring you in his arms! What a beautiful testimony of his love and care for you. Thank you for sharing with all of us. You are an amazing woman and his love shows through you!
Posted by: Janice Waymire | March 23, 2011 at 11:02 PM
Amen Sister.
You are such a wonderful Christian wife, mother and witness. God is with you and I can feel that even through the computer screen.
It is so amazing that you are so open and honest with us and yourself.
God is good. His plans are high above our plans....But so is HIS LOVE.
Posted by: GinnaG | March 23, 2011 at 11:02 PM
Thanks for showing all of us that when you love Jesus and trust in Him you can endure the very hardest trial and still live victoriously(though not without pain).
Posted by: Eva U | March 23, 2011 at 10:10 PM
Way to go Julie, life has to go on and you are coping admirably - I do so admire you. Jennifer xx
Posted by: Jennifer Ingram | March 23, 2011 at 09:41 PM
Thank you for sharing your inner most thoughts with us. You are truly a blessed women who blesses everyone else with your strength. You are such an inspiration and an awesome example of how great God is. May you feel His love each and every day - He is there for you to draw strength.
May God continue to bless you each and every day.
Posted by: Annette | March 23, 2011 at 09:21 PM
Amen!
Posted by: Julie Carlisle | March 23, 2011 at 09:18 PM
That is a powerful testimony of God's grace! You are living out the verse "in everything give thanks" and the verse, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"! I am SO glad that God is strengthening you and holding your hand and providing for you and your boys. He is truly our help in time of need. You are 'living out your faith' in Him on a daily basis. May God bless and strengthen you and continue to give you all that you need. And, on top of that, may He give you the desires of your heart! And He will, because He is indeed good!!!
Posted by: Diane(D'sCreations) | March 23, 2011 at 09:10 PM
You are an inspiration!!! Thank you!
Posted by: Dorothy | March 23, 2011 at 08:28 PM
I so appreciate you sharing your highs and lows with us in such a straightforward manner. I hope it benefits you in some way to the degree it benefits me. The Holy Spirit residing in you shines through.
...praise be to God.
Posted by: Pat Jandacek | March 23, 2011 at 07:44 PM
Julie, You are an awesome woman of God! Keep looking up!
Posted by: Cindy S. | March 23, 2011 at 07:11 PM
Julie, thanks for sharing these words with us...very well stated!
Posted by: madeline Morcelo | March 23, 2011 at 06:51 PM
Julie,
Your faith is an inspiration to us all!! I especially love #10. He is faithful and will always be with us and we know that all things work for good. My favorite scripture is Phil. 4:13 I can do all things through christ who strengthens me.
I pray you have strength and a peace that passes all understanding. God bless you!!
Posted by: Connie | March 23, 2011 at 05:56 PM
Praise Him for His faithfulness!!!
Posted by: Nancy | March 23, 2011 at 05:55 PM
You are such an inspiration! Thank you and God bless!
Posted by: Darla | March 23, 2011 at 05:35 PM
Praise God for all of the blessings you have! Thanks for sharing what the LORD is doing in your life!
Posted by: Chris Dickinson | March 23, 2011 at 05:25 PM
Very well stated, Julie. :)
Posted by: Gabby | March 23, 2011 at 05:15 PM
Yay for you Julie! You have it exactly right! Dwell on the blessings and not the numbers on the calendar! God has so much more JOY ahead for you! I pray you'll be able to handle it all! :o)
Posted by: Nancy | March 23, 2011 at 05:04 PM
You are AMAZING Julie! You are so right to know that Russ is always with you & the boys. Keep that faith!
Hugs
Posted by: Maria | March 23, 2011 at 04:31 PM
Julie,
I've never posted before, but I've been reading your blog for the past couple of years. I just want you to know what an inspiration you are. I'm amazed by how strong and gracious you prove to be each and every day. You are one of a kind and you make me want to live my life better. Sending you lots of prayers and happy thoughts from Montana. Keep it up girl, you're unbelieveable!
Posted by: Kelle | March 23, 2011 at 04:28 PM
Julie, you have a ministry you probably don't think about or realize....Sharing your story and your remarkable faith has helped so many of us get ourselves back on track. I ache for you and your boys. I hope the "love" you feel from all of us helps to soothe you at times.
We so often try to live by our own strength instead of relying on God to help us. Thank you for "keeping it real" for us and sharing so much of yourself. You are truly a blessing!
Posted by: Vicki | March 23, 2011 at 04:28 PM
Oh Julie, Bless your great big heart!
Posted by: Gail Binette | March 23, 2011 at 04:24 PM
Julie, you are amazing. I read your shared thoughts and am overwhelmed with your steadfast faith and courage. Your life journey has taken you to this place that I would fear going. I hope you realize the inspiration you give to so many, including me. May you continue to walk in God's pathway as he leads you.
Posted by: Pam W | March 23, 2011 at 02:48 PM
God is the helping hand...the husband to the widow...and father to all who accept Him.
Posted by: Vivian | March 23, 2011 at 02:42 PM
I can certainly see God Grace working in & through you. You are blessing to me...while I have not had a loss of a spouse...years in infertility have left me grieving as well. You have show how to better persevere and know that God is Good...all the time..All the time God is Good.
May you continue to feel his Grace and love :)
Posted by: Rachel Marsh | March 23, 2011 at 02:32 PM
Beautifully put, Julie. Hugest hugs to you and may the God of grace and love fill you each and every day with strength and joy and a peace that surpasses all understanding when the going gets a bit touch.
Posted by: Marisa | March 23, 2011 at 02:28 PM
Absolutely!!! You are strong through Christ and that's what matters. You have been an amazing example of how all things are possible with God.
Posted by: Colleen Gurgul | March 23, 2011 at 02:23 PM
AWESOME! Hugs to you girl! HE is with us though EVERYTHING! You are a mighty woman Julie!
Posted by: Lisa H | March 23, 2011 at 01:56 PM
u r a strong inspiration of faith to us all julie! thank you for sharing your intimate thoughts. u r often in my thoughts.
Posted by: Kristin | March 23, 2011 at 01:48 PM