Julie Buhler, Independent Stampin' Up! Demonstrator
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I think I need to set the record straight. Sorry, I didn't really want a debate about my ring on or off, or whether you think my counselor should or should not have said anything. He did not mean anything by it, he just wanted me to THINK and not gloss over. Too often, those of us going through grief tend to NOT think about things, like staying in a bubble. I would love to stay in my own little world, but it doesn't help me or my boys. They take their cues from me, and I want them to grieve in a healthy manner, as well. I did take it off because I felt like it was time for ME.
Now for my post ...
10 years ago today, Russ and I got married. It was a truly amazing day, one I will not soon forget ( I have a video, and NO, I am not watching it today!!). We bought a bottle of wine that first year to specifically open on our 10 year anniversary. I'm not sure when I will open it, maybe tonight, maybe not. But I do have a song I want to share with you. It describes how I am feeling today.
Please pray that today is not all breakdowns, but rather smiles about the memories and the blessings that we are left with in his absence.
A friend sent me this song, and I hope you enjoy it. There are many of you out there asking the same question, I'm sure. I pray for comfort, peace, joy and strength for you all this Christmas season. For those that are not struggling at the moment, I wish you the same, because we can all have a little EXTRA happiness. I am not ashamed to ask for an added prayer today, as it is a double whammy for me and the boys - Daddy (Russell's) birthday today, and Christmas without him.
Wishing you a BLESSED Christmas with family, friends and loved ones!
P.S. - Google Reader folks will have to click over for the video.
I never knew it would be this hard. I had thought the same strength I had THROUGH Russ' illness would be the same way I would be now. But God is still the same, and Russ is GONE now, not just sick. It is so final. You know that place where you get butterflies when you see the person you love. In that spot right now, I literally have pain, like a big hole, a feeling I cannot explain.
My hardest part, though, is when the boys have questions. I have had to lie down with Jayden twice at night to hold him while he cries. They just don't understand, and that hurts pretty deeply. Russ and I decided to trust God through this, no matter what. That is the CHOICE we made, and I still make.
In your situation, what choice are YOU going to make? I want you to know that if you have asked for prayer here or on facebook, I have prayed then and whenever I think of you! Feel free to add me as a friend. I hope you can place your trust in God, NO MATTER WHAT !
P.S. Those in Google Reader will have to click over for the video. I do not know why it doesn't show up there ?!?
I was driving home from the city today and heard this song. Now, I had heard this song many times before, but with what happened in the city, I had heightened emotions. Today, I had to go pick up the Father's Day gift that I had ordered for Russ back in May. It got here last week, and he will never even enjoy it. Then I went to the bank, and need to go back tomorrow with a death certificate to have things totally changed there. Proof that my husband died. That is really hard to type. And then I heard this song.
It just really hit me. PLEASE DO NOT feel sorry for me. I am not typing this for pity - prayers yes, pity no. I will get through this and be a stronger person for it. Through it, I am learning to be a better mother (patience is a virtue), and can also can empathize with, and be an ear for, someone going through a similar circumstance. I also am learning that I am stronger than I ever realized, but in a good way, not a denial issue. It also helps to talk to you all. But mostly, I talk to God. I have realized the value of prayer.
1 Timothy 5:5 "The widow who is really in need and left all alone puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help."
He has truly upheld me, so I in turn, can be a safe haven for our boys. This is also possible because of all your prayers and encouraging words.I can never say thanks enough, to you.
This song is so powerful, for me, and I hope it touches someone out there. I even have it as a ringtone on my phone ... hehehe. Today, I had to change my cell phone and take Russ' old number (business reasons). That was hard, and then my sister phoned, and Russ' voice is still on the answering machine. Yeah, so I'm not going to change that for awhile. I then found this song in my ringtones and had to add it ... and listen to it all the way home. DRAINS on the cell battery, but worth it.
Here is the chorus:
I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains Hope that doesn’t ever end Even when the sky is falling I’ve seen miracles just happen Silent prayers get answered Broken hearts become brand new That’s what faith can do
I made a video tribute for the celebration service today, and I thought I would share with you. Here is just a small portion of the great man Russell was.
I thank you all for the AMAZING ENCOURAGEMENT you have been, through these past fews days, and over the course of the past few months. I have truly felt your prayers, and the arms of God enfold me constantly!
Shortly after Russ was diagnosed, he had been on YouTube listening to music. This was the first song that popped up on the screen under suggestions, and he clicked on it. It became his favorite song, and I wanted to share it with you.