So Hard

1. Putting away the dishes from the dishwasher, finding his favorite cup in there and knowing he will never use it again.
2. Never having to fix the toothpaste tube after he squeezes from the middle.
3. Laundry piles will be a lot smaller.
4. No more hair in the sink after he is done shaving.
5. Seeing his truck in the garage when I get home.
6. Mail coming in his name.
7. People phoning for him, and the awkward explination.
8. Making a card for my nephews birthday, and I had to sign his name, just couldn't leave it off.
9. Making meals for 2 little boys that love their Daddy.
10. Kissing those little boys and hoping it makes it better, just like an owie.

I trust in a God that will make all these little things better with time.

Psalm 68:5 " God is in his holy Temple. He is a father to orphans, and he defends the widows."

I am hoping to get back to stamping.  I always found it a real stress reliever and I should have some stamping things to post soon.  I want you all to know that I have read most of the comments that have been left in the past few days.  There have been over 1000 (comments) from you encouraging me, and to all of you I need to give a BIG CYBER {{HUG}}.  You have been so gracious and supportive in this life changing journey.

 

Comments

[Delys]

Hi Julie. I havent been on your blog for a wee while so it was a shock to see this. My heart goes out to you and your gorgeous boys.
Kia Kaha...which in Maori means be strong.
Delys from New Zealand

[Val W]

Julie,
I was so sorry to read of your loss. I hope you can take comfort that you have so many of us out here who care about you and your sons. We're praying for God's peace and comfort for you. My deepest sympathy to you and your family.

[Andrea6760]

Julie,

I am keeping you, your boys and your families in my prayers. There will be many 'firsts' that will be more difficult than you can imagine. Please trust your faith that the Lord will not give you more than you can handle and he will be beside you to guide you through them. Time does make it easier, as those 'firsts' will then be 'seconds' then 'thirds', etc.

You are probably one of the strongest women that I have met in a very long time and with your family and friends (online and offline), we will be here to help support you too. Please vent if you need to, write things out if you want, share some memories and even take time to cry and mourn to help yourself. From what you have written already, you are handling everything courageously and gracefully.

Sending you *Love and Hugs*,
~Andrea

[Ruthie]

My mother-in-law still has her husband's voice on the ansaphone - just love it! Please try and get a copy of it if you can - its such a wonderful thing to keep

Rx

[Daria]

Praying for you and your family to find peace and comfort during this difficult time.

[Andrea6760]

Julie,

I am keeping you, your boys and your families in my prayers. There will be many 'firsts' that will be more difficult than you can imagine. Please trust your faith that the Lord will not give you more than you can handle and he will be beside you to guide you through them. Time does make it easier, as those 'firsts' will then be 'seconds' then 'thirds', etc.

You are probably one of the strongest women that I have met in a very long time and with your family and friends (online and offline), we will be here to help support you too. Please vent if you need to, write things out if you want, share some memories and even take time to cry and mourn to help yourself. From what you have written already, you are handling everything courageously and gracefully.

Sending you *Love and Hugs*,
~Andrea

[Karla Reader]

I made you a card right away and now can't seem to find your address. That was dumb of me to not write it down when you shared it before. Anyways, I will tell you here that I have 2 boys aged 9 and 10 and I always share your posts with them. When you posted that Russ got his miracle, we all sat here and wept. And my 9 year old son continues to pray faithfully for you and your boys each night. My sister lost her husband to a car accident last fall and we walked closely with her and her children through that so my son is very aware of what your boys are walking through and he carries them to the Lord. I will continue to pray for you. My heart breaks for you in your loss. Love, a sis in the Lord.

[Debra]

Maybe you can record a copy of his recording just so you'll always have it. Save it as a digital file on your computer so you can listen to it once in awhile.

[Debra]

Julie, you are a true inspiration to all of us and you are so very strong! I was wondering how you were doing and read your 'so hard' list and almost lost it. I can't imagine what things must be like for you, and how difficult it is to do the 'everyday' kind of things. Thinking of you and your boys .. and hoping things get better.

[Elva]

Dear Julie-Have been away for for a few months-so I just learned of your loss-it has been some years now since I lost My Husband and very best friend-at first it was like an open wound and hurt constantly-but as time has passed the open wound has been slowly healing and it is easier to bear-but the Scar will always be there-and remember-God works in mysterious ways-His wonders to perform. "HUGS"

[Debbie]

Oh Julie, you asked for prayer warriors and I did try, I really did, but I could not pray the way you wanted. I'm so sorry that you and the boys have to go through this valley of the shadow. You will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers often. I hope that you'll have some relief through crafting but most of all that you will feel the Holy Spirit surrounding and upholding all of you.
Love and hugs,

[Kristi Azar]

Once again, you are an inspiration, Julie. Just by sharing those small daily things that mean so much to one who is grieving, you are speaking for so many who have lost in letting others know that it's such a day by day journey. My mother works in hospice and grief counseling and tries to educate family and friends of those who have lost a loved one about those little things...answering machines, birthday cards, etc....that so many do not think about. I can't imagine the courage it takes to share that struggle with the world, but in doing so, you are again lifting so many up. God bless you and keep you and your boys in the days, weeks, and months to come. You are loved!

[carin]

Take care. You and your family will be in my prayers.

[JodyM]

Julie, Amen to what everyone has already said. My prayers are continually with you and the boys.

[Anne S]

my heart goes out to you as you start your life without Russ. i truly hope that all the support you had during his illness will continue to bless you as you try moving forward. God bless!!!!!!!!!

[Cathy B.]

You and your boys are in my heart, and in my prayers. Take time to heal, and remember that Russ will always be with you in spirit, and in your memories.

[Glenda Jones]

While I wish I could help you in some way, it is you who are helping me with my recent loss. I just have to let you know what an inspiration and help to me you are with sharing your songs, tribute to Russ and faith in God. Thank you so much for continuing to post to your blog. May God Bless you and your family as you grieve the loss of your husband, father of your sons and your best friend. Here is a little verse that has helped me.
Love Lives On
Because we love, there will be tears.
Because we laughed, there will be memories.
Because they lived, there will still be joy.
One day at a time, let the love you shared carry you through. Hugs and Prayers,

[Debbie Bolton]

I hope you can find some peace and solice in stamping but we will be right here no matter how long it takes. I think of you and your boys often.

[heidi]

Prayers are going out to you and the boys. Could only read the 1st thing you miss and had to stop. lots of love, heidi

[Lori B]

Continuing to pray for you and the boys. Your faith and strength is an inspiration. Treasure your daily finds, that is what the ringtone is, and Russ' cup, etc. It shows those of us who have not suffered as big a loss, just what "living each day" and cherishing someone means. It is in the most simple task, glance, touch that we are most blessed in our lives. When our loved ones are a part of each of our senses we know we have been loved. Thinking of you often and checking in daily.

[Cindy Smith]

Thinking about you and your boys & praying that God's peace surrounds you at this difficult time. God bless you!

[Cyndi]

My heart, thoughts and prayers go out to you and your boys, thanks for sharing this video.

[Carmen]

Julie,
I have shed tears reading your posts. I can understand what you are going through, the pain will get easier with time. I lost my dad as a child and my son when he was 19. You learn to live life in a different way and soon enough the happy memories will take precedence. God has them in his keeping we have them in our hearts.
Carmen (Australia)

[jess]

Julie,
My heart aches for you and your boys. I hope that the simple reminders of Russ, like his favorite cup, will in time bring joy and laughter to you and your sons as you remember the time that you shared together with Russ. Yes, it is hard now, but morning comes after night, and with the morning comes joy. Both night and morning are seasons of time, that will come when your hearts are ready. Until morning comes, may you all know the strong embrace of a loving Father and the friends and family who love you.
Jess

[Laura Isham]

I know that we have never met, but I love you like a friend I've known forever. I'm thinking of you and praying for you and your boys. God bless you and please let me know if there is anything that I can do to help you from all the way in Wisconsin.

[Tori Wild]

BIG Hugs...thinking about you often. You're strength is such an inspiration to all and I hope each day finds a new source of encouragement for you and your boys. Your online friends are all here for you!

[Jane]

Julie I cannot begin to tell you how courageous you are. When I lost my son I could not have imagined speaking at his service or writing so soon after his passing. I am so proud of you, standing proud in your faith and for your son's they will be ever so greatful when they grow up.I remember the 1st time I laughed the sound was so foreign and it seemed as though life was in slow motion for so long. Looking back I still didn't take time to grieve on my own terms. I felt that I needed to move ahead because that is what was expected as a young Mother...please take time for yourself to grieve as you need, to let your sons grieve as they need and move at whatever pace it is that you feel comfortable. We will be here for you when you feel it is right...prayers and hugs for you.

[Julie Saylor]

Thinking of you all and sending prayers, love and strength.

[Karen]

reading your list gave me a lump in my throat, a racing heart, and tears in my eyes. The pain of loss is like no other. Thank God He understands. I pray He comforts, soothes, and heals.

[Terri Davis]

Julie my heart is aching for you and your precious boys. It has been so hard to read your posts these past few days knowing the pain you have been in but I have been so impressed and encouraged by your courageous and strong witness during this difficult time. Surely the Lord will honor your perserverance and faith. You and the boys will remain in my prayers.
Blessings to you,
Terri D.

[Lisa Martz]

Love, hugs, prayers, strength...all coming your way!

[Nancy Park]

Julie you and your boys have been in my thoughts anf prayers. I am a strong Christian and God does comfort, but there is an earthly void when you lose your mate. I was widowed when my children were 2 and 4. Even with trust in the Lord the first year is very difficult, but time does heal the sever hurt. My children are now grown (48 and 45) but I still miss my most wonderful and loving husband.

[Lacy]

Julie, your post just made my heart ache for you - I truly pray that time will heal those wounds until you are reunited with Russ again. Take care of your boys and yourself - you're all in my prayers!!!

[Annemarie]

Julie - You and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers since your first post about Russ, and you all will continue to be there. Sending warm thoughts.

[Brenda in Indy]

Your life is so sad right now and very hard. I'm glad you have God with you to ease your pain and comfort you. Cry with your boys. They need to know it is okay to cry and get that pain out. I think about you and pray for you every single day. Big hugs to you and the family.

[Linda L]

Hi Julie,
My heart goes out to you once again! Your list is very touching - isn't it amazing how the littlest things can mean so much to us? Please know that you are not alone in this journey. I continue to hold you in prayer daily, knowing that Jesus is a Friend that sticks closer than a brother, and that He will comfort you and the boys.
Hugs,
Linda

[Gail S.]

Ditto to everyone's comments above. You are in my thoughts as they have been. God Bless. Gail from Nebraska

[Donna H.]

I have been looking for your blog every day. Know you have so many friends out here who have never met you but you are in our hearts just the same. Prayers and hugs to you and your boys and to your whole family.

A friend in AZ

[Britiney @ Consider the Lilies]

Julie, I'm heartbroken to hear about your loss. Your testimony of faith throughout this trial is a beautiful example to everyone you've touched through your blog. I pray that God will hold you in the palm of his hand and bring you comfort that could only come from Him. God Bless

[Lorri]

I'm another reader you don't know, but I DO feel like we are sisters in Christ. My heart aches for the pain that your family feels. You don't know the encouragement you are to others to see your faith shine through, as you endure possibly one of the hardst things to go through on earth. My prayers continue to go out to you and your family. GOD BLESS YOU JULIE!

[MichelleH]

Oh...Julie...I'm sitting here crying for you just after reading #1. I cannot imagine the pain that simple act made you feel. While crying I am also praying and rejoicing in the knowledge that God WILL give you the strength to get through the pain. Day by day, sometimes minute by minute, He will be there to help you through.

[Sylvia/Georgia]

Thank you for sharing your faith and your pain with us. Fortunately, I have not been down the road you are traveling. However, from the loss of my parents, I know time will make the pain less painful but the hole in your heart will always be there. I made the mistake of keeping my pain to myself and not sharing it with my family. You are very wise to share your grief. Continuing to pray for you & your family.

[Diane Fowler :)]

Thoughts & prayers for you everyday, Julie - God is with you, always!!

D :)

[Rosella]

Julie, I know you don't know me, but I feel like I have come to know you. And I'm sitting here crying. But I am so joyful to see your faith, because YES you will see your BF again and that is such a great promise. And I believe that God will be with you and your boys until that time!
Thank you so much for sharing. My prayers are with you.

[Karen]

Julie, I am so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you & the boys. I think of you daily and have shared your story with my husband. We hug each other a little more these days. Sending big hugs your way.

[Jessica]

Julie, my heart breaks for you. I find myself praying throughout the day for Russ, and then remember I need to pray for you and the boys now. Please know that I do pray for you every day, that God makes it a little easier for you every day. Sending much love to you.

[JoAnn Burnham]

I think of you and your family and remember you in my prayers. May God bless you and continue sustaining you, as I know he has. You are a wonderful witness to his power and love.

[GINNY]

MY THOUGHTS ARE WITH YOU AND YOUR BOYS AT THIS SAD TIME, WISHING YOU LOVE AND HUGS

[Tamara]

I cannot imagine what you are going through, but I am thinking of you often and wishing you strength as you carry on with your life and you provide for those wonderful children.

[Joyce Stewart]

Elaine M has said what I was going to say so I'll just say that I am still praying for you - indeed I couldn't get to sleep last night and you were being prayed for in the early hours of the morning here in Northern Ireland.
Thanks for posting today - we are so glad to hear from you and assure you of our caring thoughts and prayers.

[Renee]

Julie my heart aches for you and your boys..I'm so so sorry. I know you find comfort in our Lord and Savior and I know you know you will see Russ again but for now it's really hard on you and the boys. I wish I could do something for you all to make the pain go away, but I'm sure you know time heals all things but when you're standing in it time doesn't seem to be moving fast enough. I want to just give you all a huge hug and wish I could do more for you but I know the best I can do is pray and I will continue to do that.

Hugs
Renee

[jane gallegos]

Carrie Underwood Sings How Great Thou Art - Amazing!!
http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.godvine.com%2F&h=047fd
Carrie
since i am at lost for words god bless and see u thru the pain

[Andrea]

Praying for you & your boys. Life is hard with all the constant reminders around you, but it will get easier in the months to come. Trust in the Lord for ALL your needs & he will be there for you. He will carry you through this tribulation & has BIG plans for you! Hugs from Louisiana!

[Diane L]

I keep praying for all 3 of you,that it will get better with time. I've never lost a spouse but have lost my parents. It gets better but always hurts.
Just think of the Good Times and take it one day at a time. Russ will help you through it Julie!
Hugs to you and the boys!!!

[Jocelan Perry]

Julie my thoughts & prayer are with you and your boys at this time.I pray God can help you focus on all the good times,and ease the heavy heart you have at this time.
Love from a fellow Canadian in British Columbia.
Love Jocelan

[Hlee]

Julie, I am sending you all my well wishes and hope that the love of God can comfort you at this difficult time. You and your boys are always in my thoughts. Know that you will see Russ again. God Bless!

[Darlene Gabriel]

Continuing to pray for you and your sons.

[Susan]

Continued prayers for you, I pray that you find comfort in knowing how much you mean to all your friends, and family. Praying for those little guys also.

[Nancy Hawthorne]

Hugging you and your boys in prayer!!!

His Word is our strength and comfort for the journey: "Therefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ."
1 Peter 1:13

In Christ's Love, Nancy

[Chris Hnatiuk]

Loved your tribute to Russ. God has given you a strong spirit and brave heart, dear Girl, and I truly believe He is using you to minister to thousands of others through this experience and your website. God be with you and keep you always.
Chris in Calgary

[Marisa]

My heart goes out to you, Julie, and to your two little boys. Make sure you cry when you need to, as tears heal the soul. A verse that came to mind is:

Ps 62:8 "Trust in him at all times, O people; POUR out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.

Huge hug to you and your boys.

[Terri]

Julie I wish I could give you a hug. I came across this poem and thought you might take something from it.

You can shed tears that I am gone
Or you can smile because I have lived

You can close your eyes and pray
That I’ll come back
Or you can open your eyes
And see all the good I’ve left

Your heart can be empty because you
Cannot see me
Or it can be full of love we shared

You can remember me and only that
I’ve gone
Or you can cherish my memory
And let it live on

You can cry and close your mind
Be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what I would want
Smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

[Glenda J]

Think of you & your boys and sending you big cyber hugs.

[katie]

Oh Julie, my heart aches for you. I was reminded of the loved ones I've lost in the last few years when I read this post and I started to cry for the loss of Russ and all of them. I continue to pray for you and your boys. Take heart it gets better.

[bonnie weiss]

You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers, Julie. Your loss has impacted me in a very personal way ... I have been hugging my husband and son, OFTEN and telling them a LOT MORE, that I will always love them. May God grant you peace Julie and strength too, in order to help you pick up the pieces, make sense of it all and carry on. Sending hugs to you again.

[Irene]

Julie, your strength is inspiring. You and your boys are in our hearts and our prayers.

[Becky Jo]

Julie, you and the boys are in my thoughts and prayers daily. Sharing your thoughts is an encouraging thing. I'm sure it helps others as well as yourself. I am amazed at your strength in doing so. Russ will live on in your heart and soul forever. Be assured happy memories will someday replace the sad ones you have now. Hugs!!

[GinnaG]

Check on you daily. Pray for you constantly.
Ginna

[Lisa Hamm]

Words just cant express how I feel for you and your babies. Im praying and will continue to pray that He will take your pain and remind you of the joy, EVERYtime.

[Giovana]

Cyber-Hugs to you too! I read your list and I cried.
God bless you and keep you strong.

Giovana

[Susan]

Continue to post here so we can support you from afar. I know you would never recognize me on the street, but I am your friend in Christ Jesus who holds you in your distress. You are never alone as long as you reach out to others.

[Elaine M]

Oh, Julie! Your list was so touching to read. It is always the smallest things that bring back so many precious thoughts and memories. Prayers are with you, Julie. The wound will gradually heal, but that pesky scar will always remain--reminding you of this great hurt, but also reminding you of what you had. So many never find what you did--a true treasure. We all love you and certainly wish we could do more for you.
Hugs, Elaine M

[Yvonne]

Dear Julie, my prayers continue to be with you and your boys. May God bless you with peace as you encounter all these new 'firsts' and may He bless you with the strength to endure all things. You are not alone!

[pinky]

Julie, as I read your post today, tears came to my eyes. I am praying for you and your family. Know that you are never alone. Time heals, but memories never do. Rejoice in the good times that you shared.

Pinky from Georgia

[Cindy Otto]

I continue to pray for you and your family. This must be extremely hard for you, but know all your stamping sisters are there for you. Keep busy and try stamping again. May God bless you all.

[Alison Kirby]

Tearfully reading through your list and trying to imagine how incredibly difficult it must be. I think this is when HIS favorite cup would become MY favorite cup.
Praying for you daily.

[Liz Rempel]

Julie: You are often in my thoughts and prayers, I have been where you are and although each persons grief is unique, I think we all go through the same stages. Don't try to be strong all the time, don't be afraid to cry with your boys. That was a mistake that I made and then my son wouldn't cry because he didn't want to upset me. You will grieve as a family, each in his own way and I will be thinking of you along the way. There will be lots of firsts over the next while. My thoughts and prayers will still be with you over the upcoming weeks and months. God Bless

[Lorena]

Julie, You are your boys will always be in our prayers

[Lois Hemingway]

Julie, We lost our 14-year-old daughter to cancer just over a year ago. There really are no words to express our sympathy to you and your boys and there are no words to describe the pain you're going through. Just know that God is the Great I AM. . .He is whatever you need at any given moment. Keep trusting Him. He loves you more than you'll ever know or understand.

[Wendy J.]

Julie, I'm so touched by your post. I'm sitting here bawling. I just want you to know how much I appreciate your faith and positive approach to all that's happened with your family. These things you've listed are helpful to understand what others go through and I very much appreciate you sharing your experiences with us. I pray for peace and comfort for you and your dear boys.

[Lynne Hurlburt]

Julie, my father just passed on, Thanksgiving Day and this is a verse on a sympathy card I received. " Those we have laughed with, learned from, leaned on, and loved leave us the very best memories. In time may happy memories replace the sadness in your heart." You and the boys are in my thoughts and prayers now and in the days to come. Sending you a HUGE HUG, Hugs n' Stuff, Lynne

[Southern Stamper]

Julie, I understand all the feelings you're expressing, because I lost my husband to cancer Sept. 2009. Everyday tasks are so hard when all you feel like doing is running and letting God's wind blow the heartache out of you. Just remember, that what you're experiencing has been experienced by other spouces down through the generations. I don't know how people get through their grief without the Lord. When I get depressed, I remember Jesus said, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

[Julie L.]

((( great big long bear hug )))

[Rhonda]

I am sending big {{{HUGS}}} to you and your little boys. I know the pain you are feeling. Don't fight the memories, rejoice in them. And remember...he will always be in your heart - ready to listen to you at any time. Just take one day...one moment at a time.

[Jeanne Maciejewski]

Julie - You've my on my mind, and in my heart and prayers so much these past days. Though we've never met, we're sisters on this difficult journey of grief. I would never say, "I know how you feel", but I can certainly relate to each heartbreak, each struggle, each stab of pain and lonliness...even though mine was many years ago. Be encouraged by the love and support of so many, those close by and countless others of us, who won't meet again until you can introduce us to Russ in heaven. As one of my favorite songs says, "I can only imagine" what that day will be like. Until then, I'm praying that you feel an extra measure of God's presence and comfort and peace to help you through your loss and pain.

[Beverley]

one minute at a time. you are doing great; i realize its difficult and you will have overwhelming moments but you can do this and come out the other side whole again. grief is done in baby steps so don't try to run just
keep stopping when you must and take a deep breath before you continue on your journey. you will get there and so will the children. it's going to be alright. one moment at a time, one minute at a time, one hour at a time and day at a time.

taking care of the boys helps you keep busy but don't forget to stop and take care of yourself as well. taking care of yourself not only helps you but the boys as they need you to take care of yourself for them.

god bless....

Beverley

[Toni K]

I'm keeping you and your boys in my prayers. No one, including me, could imagine what you're going through unless they have gone through it. All I can do is let you know you're in my prayers. You are such a strong person. It's a long road but you will do what you have to do for those gorgeous boys. Hugs girl! I hopoe you can feel everyone's love around the world.

[Cassandra]

Julie, the hardest part is always coming home. You have been inspirational to everyone and no one knows your pain just what you have lost. You know your bible verses well. Keep this, meditate on the word, and you will always find comfort in your heart. Shed your tears, tears of joy for there is no more suffering.
Hugs from Virginia!

[Tish]

Julie,

Keeping you and your boys in my thoughts and prayers.

[Karen McNeely]

My heart goes out to you Julie and the boys. I too went through what you are going through last December. I still miss my husband and all I can say, with God's help, the days W"ILL get easier. God is my strength and my guide. HE will get you through.

[Charlie]

I don't know what to say...I'm so sorry for your loss and will be praying for you and your family. {{HUGS}} from Mississippi

[Angela]

Hi Julie,
It is so hard...but with family, friends, cyber friends, time and God,
It will help. My heart breaks for you I will continue prayers for you and family.
Hugs,
Angela

[Nancy]

I'm sorry...My prayers for you continue!

[Annette]

Julie ~ Praying for God to wrap his arms around you and your boys - filling you with peace & strength. Know that Russ is well and enjoying time with his Heavenly Father while he watches over you and your boys. You have your own personal angel in Heaven.

Lovin' Hugs,
Annette

[Tina DeLong West Jefferson, Ohio]

Russ will always be as close as your heartbeat. Sending you encouragement to get up tomorrow and just breathe and begin your day.
HUGS and Blessings

[Jan]

God is with you, Julie, may he bless you abundantly in your time of sorrow.

[Jessie McLaughlin]

Keeping you and the boys in my thoughts and prayers during this time.

[chrisd]

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.Take your time, we will be here waiting for your return when you are ready!

[Tamara M]

I'm a long time reader and wanted to stop by and say that I'm sorry for your loss. I know that there aren't words that help much, but know that there are lots of people all over the world thinking of you & your boys.
Take care of yourself
Tamara (in Australia)

[Marilyn P]

Oh Julie, my heart goes out to you and your boys. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.
All my love
Marilyn (Australia)